Help! I'm sick and I can't sit down!

I've been battling something the past couple weeks. At first, it was a headache and extreme tiredness. This past week I added cold symptoms -- sore throat, stuffy head, cough, congestion, earache, etc. After five days of these symptoms, I finally went to the doctor and got a very strong antibiotic and nasal spray/antihistamine. The worst of it all is the sheer exhaustion my entire body feels. I seriously feel like I haven't slept in days! After a day of meds, my head feels better & more clear, but it's gonna take a while to get rid of this entirely.

Anyway... Being sick means that I stuck around the house instead of going out with the kiddos. Since I was home, I wanted to be somewhat productive. I think I just don't know how to rest (hence the title of this blog)! I mean, how much can I rest with three kids at home during the day (and sometimes four)?!? So I did dishes, laundry, cleaned my master bedroom, washed linens, and flipped my mattress. I paid for it... At the end of the days I just crashed. It was all I could do to get anything on the table for dinner, let alone clean up afterwards! Thank goodness for meals in the freezer. :) Practice what I preach, right?

So this week it is my goal to just sit. I *need* to rest and take it easy (as much as I can) so I can kick this flu. Hopefully having Matt at home over the weekend gave the kids some playtime so they won't mind hanging around the house a few more days. I've got a birthday party to get things ready for this weekend (double birthday party for Hayden and my nephew Logan, who both turn 2 this month) and I need to rest up to travel. Luckily we're keeping it simple - a bonfire with a big pot of chili, cornbread, and hot dogs. Sounds perfect for a fall evening to me. ;)

Wish me luck, since when I just sit I notice all the things that need done - even more than just the normal pick-up-everyday-clean things! I need to get it in my mind that it can wait... My main concern is that it'll be harder on me with things piling up, so that when I finally do feel up to doing things I'll be so overwhelmed. But... that's just the way it has to be.

Sorry...

Wow, it's been an insanely long time since I've posted! So much has happened in the past almost four months. Well, nothing too exciting - just normal life stuff. :) I feel like I'm playing a constant game of catch-up in my everyday life, which doesn't leave too much time for "extra" or "new" things - i.e., blogging. I'm going to try to write a bit more often, and am working on creating a new schedule for the kids and me. It might take time still, so be patient. I've probably lost my readers anyway. ;) It also doesn't help that every time I sit at my computer Hayden thinks he needs to come sit with me. I don't mind it, just makes it hard to type!

Anyway, I've finally updated the calendar to the right. It still had August dates!! I'll be posting some Christmas wishlists soon since some people have been asking. Hopefully look for new blogs soon!

Life Changes

I completed my first run in over a year tonight. It was just over a mile (1.06, to be exact), and it wasn't the fastest run. Or even close to my fastest mile. But it was still a mile run, with very little walking (just up one big hill). My legs felt super heavy and I really had to work on my breathing, but it has to get easier from here. The hardest part is getting back out there!

This is all a part of changes I want to make in my life. Having two kids 17.5 months apart was not easy on my body (or nice to it!). I've actually been either pregnant or nursing for almost three years!! Now I need to do something about it. I started doing my power core yoga a couple weeks ago and just need to make it a regular thing. Add in the running, eating healthier, and cutting back on pop and I'll have a good thing going. I need help... and motivation... and encouragement. I can do this!

The End of a Beginning

Yesterday was Carter's last day of preschool. Most parents get a little teary-eyed when it comes to sending their kids to school, but I think the last day was harder than the first day! Carter was so excited to go to school, and it was such a great experience. I'll admit that it was a little different at first, since I wasn't used to him being out of the house much without me. It was SO quiet too, since Hayden wasn't born until a few months in! Anyway... to me, the last day of preschool marked the end of a beginning. It made me realize that Carter is getting older -- he just finished preschool! He's already looking forward to starting kindergarten in August, and I'm excited to spend more time with him this summer. I know he'll miss school, his teacher, and his friends, and it will take us both a little time to stop that routine. Wow... Am I really the mom of an almost kindergartner?

Today's the Day...

Today is a day always filled with mixed emotions. Three years ago today, I went to the doctor for my first (10-wk) prenatal appointment only to find out that the baby's heartbeat never started (died at 7 gestational weeks, my body had no clue). Two years ago today I went for a weekly checkup (38-wks), and was told they were going to induce my labor in two days. (They originally thought Lauren only had two vessels instead of the normal three in her umbilical cord, and there is no reason to go past 38.5 weeks. Turns out, she did have the three vessels.) Two days later, and no need to induce, Lauren was born! Sometimes good things happen to lessen the pain of the bad ones. I thank God for those good things!

Adjusting to the Changes

We've been home from the hospital since Wednesday afternoon and everyone seems to be adjusting really well. Hayden, especially! He's nursing great, sleeping fairly well at night, and overall comfy in his new environment. I find it amazing how noises don't disturb him (and his hearing is just fine). I know they say that babies get used to sounds in the womb, but this is just astonishing! Lauren can scream loudly, the dog can bark, Carter can bang on toys -- Hayden doesn't even flinch! But trust me... if I talk he looks for me. When Matt talks while holding him, he turns his gaze to Matt's face. He hears just fine. :)

When we left the hospital, Hayden was 8 lbs 15 oz -- losing weight is normal, esp since my milk isn't in yet (it did come in the day we left the hospital). I took him to the doctor Saturday morning for the usual first checkup and he was already back up to 9 lbs 2 oz. The goal is for him to be at birth weight by the 2-week checkup -- I think he'll make it. Especially the way he eats! :)

I am finding it easy to transition from two to three kids. Of course, I've only been home alone with all three for a couple hours so far! But overall I'm less stressed about having a new baby and I think that comes with experience. Either that, or I just don't have the time to be! :P Lauren seems so big to me now. She's communicating so much better and sleeping in a toddler bed -- it just seems like she's so much older than 18 months! I just hope that having them close together won't make me lose those little "baby" moments with her. She has stepped into the role of big sister -- looking after baby, giving him plenty of pats and kisses, and watching him while he sleeps. And she loves being Mommy's little helper.

Carter has also stepped up his role as big brother. He's fascinated with Hayden and is always asking if he can hold him. He eagerly awaits for Hayden's eyes to be open so he can talk to him, and Hayden just watches Carter when he's around. Carter not only helps with the baby, but helps a lot more with Lauren -- especially when I'm nursing!

I've got a wonderful family and feel truly blessed. I'm looking forward to all the new moments that await us, and how our lives will change with each one.

Minor Setbacks

Being sick just plain stinks. As a mom, I can't just stop to rest... a mom's job never stops! I did get to sleep in and rest today, thanks to my husband, but it wasn't enough. I don't like to (and can't) take a bunch of medicine being pregnant, so it's been Tylenol, hot tea, and chicken soup today. Luckily, one nostril is open so I can at least breathe now. (Thanks, Lisa, for the chicken soup. I was glad to have it already made in my fridge!)

Being sick isn't just miserable, it also set me back on all I needed and wanted to accomplish today. I was planning on getting at least Carter's old clothes put away, maybe Lauren's if time (and nap schedule) allowed. Matt did get the new license plates on, the kids' doors fixed so they latch, and figured out what was wrong with the washing machine (unfortunately, after the parts store closed!). I wanted to get the toddler bed put together and Lauren sleeping in it tonight. I figured after the long, busy day yesterday she'd be tired today. Plus, with us moving the time back an hour overnight, her schedule tomorrow wouldn't be too far off if she didn't sleep well. The one thing I did get done was to give Carter his haircut.

I just know my time is running out! I'm 35 weeks pregnant, with the baby tentatively scheduled to come earlier than that. Hopefully I can get some good sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling much better. This clogged head has just gone on for too long!

Oh, and I wish a very Happy Anniversary to my parents. They celebrate 33 years of marriage today!

Imperfection

I'm not perfect, and I've never claimed to be. My house isn't spotless -- the kids and our schedule keep me too busy; I don't always make the best dinner -- I'm tired at the end of the day; I'm not always the best wife or mother. But one thing I don't need is any of this pointed out to me.

How does this happen?

Every time I feel like I'm catching up, so many more things pop up that need to be done (or something else that holds me back). Is it ever going to be possible to just stay in the present, or will I forever be playing catch up? Ugh...

A Busy Day!

We had a busy day around here! Carter started preschool this morning, Lauren had her 15-month checkup this afternoon, and Matt left for a hiking/camping trip in the Great Smokey Mountains National Park this evening. When I have a little more time, I'll post more detailed blogs about the first two events. :)

Expert Parenting Advice

So I was reading this article in Parents magazine that asked certain professions (doctors, babysitters, preschool teachers, etc.) what advice they would never tell a parent to their face. I loved the answer the parenting expert gave:

"Becoming a parent is like contracting a debilitating disease. Imagine a disease where you couldn't sleep, you couldn't have sex, you couldn't travel, you had aches and pains all the time. Now, this doesn't mean you don't love your kids. In fact, the more you love them, the harder it is. Nobody tells you what the pull of loving your kids will do to the rest of your life..."

You can read the entire article here.

Wow

Most the time I feel I can't get anything done, but on occasion I'm amazed at what I can do. Go me. :D

Lunchtime

Ugh... I'm kind of getting tired of dealing with lunch. It seems the kids and I eat the same things over and over again, and it's not the healthiest of meals. Not necessarily unhealthy, but they're things that are quick and easy to fix. I just don't want to have to take the time to make something more most the time because it's just the three of us. I think I'm just tired of being responsible for all the meals -- at the end of the day I just don't want to cook when I'm so tired! Just another ramble..

Adjustments & Understanding

Since Emmy passed, it's been quite different around here. Although I didn't want her to relieve me of this burden, I haven't had to sweep the floors nearly as often (though we'll have Emmy hair around for quite some time!). We have only lived in this house for only two months without her, so it's very strange not having her here anymore. Carter has also asked everyday this week where Emmy is. He got treats out yesterday and after giving Orion one, he searched the entire house for Emmy. I've tried explaining it to him in many different ways, but I think he finally gets it. He thought he was just at her doctor for a while. Yesterday I swore I heard her panting, and I still expect to see her lying in her usual spots in the house. When I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night I still look so I don't step on her (Matt does too). Her dishes have been cleaned and moved to the laundry room, but I still can't bring myself to put her bed away. And it's a little sad when I do sweep or vacuum the little bits of Emmy-hair still lying around, or that find their way out from hiding. It's just going to take a while...

Orion still seems very lost. He always waited for Emmy to go outside, so now I have to escort him out there. He's not eating regularly, and just seems to pout and mope about. I give him even more attention than he got before (and trust me, he was never neglected!), but it doesn't seem to help any. I feel bad when we leave the house because now he really is alone. He's never been alone...

Thank you to everyone for all the cards and thoughts. Thank you to Christan and Todd, who made a donation to the Monroe County Humane Association in memory of Emmy. She is truly missed, but her memory lives on.

Milestones

We pass many milestones in our lifetime, but today is a very special day. Eight years ago, Matt and I got married! We've seen a lot in those eight years (well, ten years) -- the most significant being the birth of our two children, and one on the way! We'll pass through many more highs and lows together, but today we can pause and celebrate us. Happy Anniversary, Matt... I love you forever!

Goodbye, Dear Emmy

Miss Emmy Lou

February 13, 2000-July 21, 2008

Beloved Pet, Great Companion... You will be missed!

Our beloved black lab, Emmy, died very early this morning. She's had it rough the past year or so, especially the past few months. As is common with labs, she had hip problems, and since she was a bigger lab it affected her greatly. The past five days were the worst, as she refused to eat (even treats, eventually) and finally shut down. I was with her when it happened, and while it was one of the hardest things I've been through, it was nice to finally see her at peace. She was a huge part of this family, and was one of our "kids" before there really were kids!

Emmy was always happy, and usually had a smile on her face. Yes, she smiled... :) You'd walk in the door and she'd jump up and give you a gentle kiss on your lips. It was always the highlight of coming home from work, and I missed it when she was unable to jump like that anymore. She loved to swim, roll in the grass, and make snow angels. Emmy was just a great dog and friend, and will be extremely missed, just as she was loved.

This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be...

Lauren's a Baby Boomlet!

Baby Boomlet Sets Yearly Birth Record

WASHINGTON -- More babies were born in the United States last year than ever before, according to preliminary data, but it's not another baby boom just yet.

About 4,315,000 children were born in 2007, about 15,000 more births than the peak time of the baby boom in 1957, said Stephanie Ventura, a demographer at the National Center for Health Statistics, which compiled the data from provisional birth certificate registrations at state health departments.

"According to our provisional data, we had the highest number of births ever reported in 2007," she said.

But this doesn't mean there's a baby boom under way. In the mid-'50s about as many babies were being born from a lot fewer women.

"What this really reflects is that the population has grown so much in the United States, so you naturally expect more births," Ventura said. "It's hard to call this a baby boom at this point."

Years leading up to 2007 showed slight increases in the number of births, not the substantial growth of the baby boom years, which were 1946 through 1964, Ventura said.

Everything is Going to be Okay

My day today has been much better. Days like yesterday are just the pits! I was much calmer about things today, and just sort of let things sink in. Sometimes it's still just hard to believe that baby #3 is on his way! We went to the pool with my moms' group today, and I think talking to them about the baby (and them being excited for me) made me feel better about it all. Also venting to Mandy yesterday helped a TON, as well as getting it out in a blog. I've learned not to keep things bottled in or I just feel worse.

Still making decisions about the bedroom situation, but I started thinking about how much fun it will be to redecorate two bedrooms for the kids! I've already got some images in my head as to how they will be. Now the problem will be finding things to make these images reality! :)

Sometimes It's All Too Much...

So I consider myself a pretty sane person. One who maintains control most the time, mostly because I like things planned out and organized. But right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by everything. These times I'm just not really myself -- so out of control, start crying without reason, get freaked out by little things. I was so overjoyed yesterday to discover that we're having another boy. It's what I wanted! But he was a little unexpected -- and out of my plans. This was supposed to be happening next year after we tried selling the house again (and hopefully moved!). But, my plans aren't what matters. Everything is in God's hands... He has a plan, and only He knows it. That doesn't mean I have a hard time accepting that sometimes! Maybe if I was just a little filled in...

Anyway, at the moment I'm trying to figure out the bedroom situation. I know I've got time, it's just my incessant need to have things planned and organized. I think we have decided on putting both Lauren and Carter into Carter's current room. We'll have to get a loft or bunk beds, as his full size bed and her toddler bed just won't fit with much play room. There's plenty of room in the closet for both clothes (I hope so, anyway -- they have more clothes than I do!), and they can share a dresser since I hang most things up. The problem is... I'm having a hard time thinking about "taking" Lauren's room away from her. The fun part will be redecorating at least. :) But are they really ready to share a room? It just feels so forced and out of place... And it's so much change all at once for Lauren -- new baby, new room, new bed. I guess one at a time, since baby will be in our room for a few months after he's born anyway.

I just feel like I can't keep up with it all anymore. Trying to be involved with my moms group (of which I'm stepping down as organizer next month), trying to be the best mom, wife, and housekeeper... It just can't be done while maintaining my sanity! It also allows me no "me time", of which I desperately need! There's just so much to get done, and while I'm continually working on everything it seems nothing gets done! Instead, more things get added to my to-do list. I don't need things perfect, and I know I'm far from it, but I am a perfectionist. This is not good when you have two kids and two dogs!

Speaking of dogs... I did take Emmy to the vet a couple weeks ago. The vet said labs should live to at least ten years, but I can tell you that Emmy is not doing well at almost 8.5 years old. She just acts much older... She's got a few fatty lipomas that have gotten bigger, has had hip problems since she was probably around five years old, struggles to get up from sitting or laying, and now has a corneal abrasion from an eyelid that rolls in. We treated the eye with antibiotic gel and it's much better. The vet was very confused as to why her eyelid is rolling inwards, as dogs are always born with it rather than it developing. For now, we're treating Emmy with some thyroid medication (she's borderline hypo-thyroidism) to see if she can lose a little weight and help her hips, and also some aspirin. I'm doing it for a month to see if she improves. If not, we'll discuss having to put her down. I honestly love Emmy more than I could ever say, but I can't stand to see her this way. Plus, the amount of time and energy it takes to take care of an aging, large-breed dog is getting to be too much for me. And believe me, I feel guilty for thinking that! If you could only see her hobble and hear her whine!

Anyway, true ramblings of my mind. I guess I'm just tired of the day-to-day. Keeping up with housework, making every meal, etc. I just need a little break. And how will it work with three kids? I guess I just feel a little like a dog chasing its tail -- always moving, always working, yet never reaching the end goal...

The Weekend

We took off to Dayton, Ohio, Friday afternoon and drove through rain most the way. So much rain that it seemed I was driving in a fog! Ran into stopped traffic through construction in Cincinnati trying to make our way to I-75... Only went 20-25 mph at the most on I-275, but were stopped for the most part. More construction on I-75! What usually takes us 2:15-2:30 to get there took about 3 hours! Antsy kids and a grumpy, hungry Mommy -- but we made it to the hotel to meet my parents. Grabbed a quick (and not so great) dinner, got ready, and we were off to see Amber get her Associates Degree in Physical Therapy -- with Honors! I can't tell you how proud I am of her. I talked to her many times where she was so tired she didn't even know what day it was. Working full-time, sometimes third shift, and going to school full-time. She did it, and should be so proud of her accomplishment.

After the graduation we headed back to the hotel and went swimming for a little bit. When the chlorine was just too much for our eyes, and just too late for the kids to be up any more, we headed up to the room to go to bed. The next morning would be a busy one getting things ready for the party. It was a good party with lots of food, and it was great visiting with the family that could make it. My prayers are with my cousin, who had an emergency appendectomy on Friday night. We know what she's going through and hope she makes a speedy recovery!

On another note, I feel like such a horrible friend. Sam's first birthday party was Saturday and I had to miss it. I really wished I could've been in two places at once, or at least have the two events close enough to make it to both. I hated being put in that position! Mandy, I hope you know that I truly wanted to be there to celebrate with you. You and Sam mean the world to me, and feel just like family. I'm truly sorry that I couldn't be there!

We drove home last night with no rain or traffic jams, and had a good night's sleep in our own beds. I think the kids are happy to be home, even though they had fun playing with their cousins. Travelling, especially with kids, takes a lot of me and I'm glad we have the day at home together today.

Today is an important day -- I wish Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Especially to my dad, Norm. I couldn't have had a better father raise me. He was always there for me and taught me so much. He continues to be a great dad and an even better grandfather. How my kids and I adore him! To Tom, who did such a great job raising Matt, and has been a wonderful father-in-law and grandfather. We always have so much fun! And to Matt -- I couldn't have a better partner in life or a better man raise our children. You're an amazing father and the kids and I love you!