Adjustments & Understanding

Since Emmy passed, it's been quite different around here. Although I didn't want her to relieve me of this burden, I haven't had to sweep the floors nearly as often (though we'll have Emmy hair around for quite some time!). We have only lived in this house for only two months without her, so it's very strange not having her here anymore. Carter has also asked everyday this week where Emmy is. He got treats out yesterday and after giving Orion one, he searched the entire house for Emmy. I've tried explaining it to him in many different ways, but I think he finally gets it. He thought he was just at her doctor for a while. Yesterday I swore I heard her panting, and I still expect to see her lying in her usual spots in the house. When I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night I still look so I don't step on her (Matt does too). Her dishes have been cleaned and moved to the laundry room, but I still can't bring myself to put her bed away. And it's a little sad when I do sweep or vacuum the little bits of Emmy-hair still lying around, or that find their way out from hiding. It's just going to take a while...

Orion still seems very lost. He always waited for Emmy to go outside, so now I have to escort him out there. He's not eating regularly, and just seems to pout and mope about. I give him even more attention than he got before (and trust me, he was never neglected!), but it doesn't seem to help any. I feel bad when we leave the house because now he really is alone. He's never been alone...

Thank you to everyone for all the cards and thoughts. Thank you to Christan and Todd, who made a donation to the Monroe County Humane Association in memory of Emmy. She is truly missed, but her memory lives on.

Another Birthday!

Today is Matt's 29th birthday, which we also celebrated this past Saturday. It's nice having his and Carter's birthdays close together so we can have one big celebration. I'm sure the family likes one less trip to take to Bloomington. ;) Happy Birthday, honey... I hope it's a good one!

Carter Turned Four!

Wow, I have a four year old... Talk about the time flying! Today is Carter's birthday, and he's been counting down the days to it for a while now. In fact, he's already talking about when he turns five! We had a nice (but warm) party at Bryan Park with friends and family this past Saturday. When I get the pics uploaded, I'll post a link to them. Thanks to everyone who made this day very special for Carter!

21 Weeks

21 weeks into this pregnancy, and it seems like it's flying by! I've been feeling very well and very hungry! I only gained one pound this week, though, so I must be doing okay. :) Baby's been moving more and more, but still not as much as my other two. Of course, I do mostly remember the movement at the end of the pregnancies! Sorry, you get no picture this week as we were busy with company and Carter's party. When the pics for his party are posted, you'll see the belly. :) (Coincidently, this was also a week I missed taking a pic with Lauren!)

Here's what's going on with baby: "Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like he's practicing martial arts as his initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to his activity as you get to know him better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now."

And with Mommy: "You're probably feeling pretty comfortable these days. You're not too big yet, and the usual discomforts associated with early pregnancy are, for the most part, gone. If you're feeling good, relax and enjoy it while you can — the third trimester may bring with it a new crop of complaints."

Can you read?

Before I could get my drivers' license, I had to pass two written tests (and the driving portion, of course). One of these written tests was only signs. It was way before this, though, that I could recognize a stop sign. Geez, even Carter knows what a stop sign is! But I still find it odd that there are some people in this world who still don't quite get what a stop sign stands for. Can you read? S-T-O-P. It says it right on the sign! Last weekend I was walking through a parking lot, crossing at a crosswalk with a stop sign for cars. The car wasn't going to stop! I'm pregnant and was carrying Lauren, yet it still didn't want to heed -- or follow the law for that matter. This morning I almost t-boned a bright red jaguar. (I'll bet the lady would've been awfully upset to have this happen to her car, but I'm sure she could've afforded both our bills.) I'm driving up our street to leave the neighborhood and there's a stop sign at the last street. Most people use this as a "yield" sign rather than the stop sign that it is and that's bad enough. This lady didn't try to stop at all... Instead, she started turning left, which was into my direction. She sees me, stops suddenly (and I was paying attention, luckily) and mouths "sorry". I told her to get off her phone and pay more attention! Now, I know these stupid people aren't going to read this, but I needed to get this out. STOP SIGNS ARE NOT OPTIONAL! If they're in neighborhoods or parking lots, they still mean the same thing.

Milestones

We pass many milestones in our lifetime, but today is a very special day. Eight years ago, Matt and I got married! We've seen a lot in those eight years (well, ten years) -- the most significant being the birth of our two children, and one on the way! We'll pass through many more highs and lows together, but today we can pause and celebrate us. Happy Anniversary, Matt... I love you forever!

Goodbye, Dear Emmy

Miss Emmy Lou

February 13, 2000-July 21, 2008

Beloved Pet, Great Companion... You will be missed!

Our beloved black lab, Emmy, died very early this morning. She's had it rough the past year or so, especially the past few months. As is common with labs, she had hip problems, and since she was a bigger lab it affected her greatly. The past five days were the worst, as she refused to eat (even treats, eventually) and finally shut down. I was with her when it happened, and while it was one of the hardest things I've been through, it was nice to finally see her at peace. She was a huge part of this family, and was one of our "kids" before there really were kids!

Emmy was always happy, and usually had a smile on her face. Yes, she smiled... :) You'd walk in the door and she'd jump up and give you a gentle kiss on your lips. It was always the highlight of coming home from work, and I missed it when she was unable to jump like that anymore. She loved to swim, roll in the grass, and make snow angels. Emmy was just a great dog and friend, and will be extremely missed, just as she was loved.

This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be...

20 Weeks -- Halfway There!

Wow... halfway done already! Sometimes it feels like it's been a long twenty weeks; others it seems it can't be halfway over yet! And you never know... I could be closer than that, depending on if baby wants to make an early arrival! :) Let's hope he's not late... Yes, baby is now referred to as "he", as we learned earlier this week (just in case you didn't catch that blog). We're very excited, and have begun talking about names. Nothing too intense yet -- just throwing names out there. Please suggest some on my name blog!

I've been feeling wonderful. I've had lots of energy, my appetite has drastically increased, been sleeping okay, and have only gained 8.5 lbs. Trust me, I'm eating. I'm not trying to not gain weight! See, honey, those extra snacks and ice cream are just fine. ;) I've been walking on the trail once a week with my moms group, anywhere from 3-5 miles. I also stay busy with the kids (bet you didn't think that!) and am constantly moving. Baby has been moving more and more as well, but isn't as active as the other two were. Or maybe just not yet...


(20 weeks now; 20 weeks with Lauren. Doesn't seem too much different... and definitely not ready to pop!)

Here's what's going on with baby: "Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion." [Side note: The ultrasound showed he weighed about 12 ounces already!]

And with Mommy: "Congratulations! You've hit the halfway mark in your pregnancy. The top of your uterus is about level with your belly button, and you've likely gained around 10 pounds. Expect to gain another pound or so each week from now on. Make sure you're getting enough iron, a mineral that's used primarily to make hemoglobin (the part of your red blood cells that carries oxygen). During pregnancy, your body needs more iron to keep up with your expanding blood volume, as well as for your growing baby and the placenta. Red meat is one of the best sources of iron for pregnant women. Poultry (especially the dark meat) and shellfish also contain iron. Some common non-meat sources of iron include legumes, soy-based products, spinach, prune juice, raisins, and iron-fortified cereals."

Lauren's a Baby Boomlet!

Baby Boomlet Sets Yearly Birth Record

WASHINGTON -- More babies were born in the United States last year than ever before, according to preliminary data, but it's not another baby boom just yet.

About 4,315,000 children were born in 2007, about 15,000 more births than the peak time of the baby boom in 1957, said Stephanie Ventura, a demographer at the National Center for Health Statistics, which compiled the data from provisional birth certificate registrations at state health departments.

"According to our provisional data, we had the highest number of births ever reported in 2007," she said.

But this doesn't mean there's a baby boom under way. In the mid-'50s about as many babies were being born from a lot fewer women.

"What this really reflects is that the population has grown so much in the United States, so you naturally expect more births," Ventura said. "It's hard to call this a baby boom at this point."

Years leading up to 2007 showed slight increases in the number of births, not the substantial growth of the baby boom years, which were 1946 through 1964, Ventura said.

Everything is Going to be Okay

My day today has been much better. Days like yesterday are just the pits! I was much calmer about things today, and just sort of let things sink in. Sometimes it's still just hard to believe that baby #3 is on his way! We went to the pool with my moms' group today, and I think talking to them about the baby (and them being excited for me) made me feel better about it all. Also venting to Mandy yesterday helped a TON, as well as getting it out in a blog. I've learned not to keep things bottled in or I just feel worse.

Still making decisions about the bedroom situation, but I started thinking about how much fun it will be to redecorate two bedrooms for the kids! I've already got some images in my head as to how they will be. Now the problem will be finding things to make these images reality! :)

Sometimes It's All Too Much...

So I consider myself a pretty sane person. One who maintains control most the time, mostly because I like things planned out and organized. But right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by everything. These times I'm just not really myself -- so out of control, start crying without reason, get freaked out by little things. I was so overjoyed yesterday to discover that we're having another boy. It's what I wanted! But he was a little unexpected -- and out of my plans. This was supposed to be happening next year after we tried selling the house again (and hopefully moved!). But, my plans aren't what matters. Everything is in God's hands... He has a plan, and only He knows it. That doesn't mean I have a hard time accepting that sometimes! Maybe if I was just a little filled in...

Anyway, at the moment I'm trying to figure out the bedroom situation. I know I've got time, it's just my incessant need to have things planned and organized. I think we have decided on putting both Lauren and Carter into Carter's current room. We'll have to get a loft or bunk beds, as his full size bed and her toddler bed just won't fit with much play room. There's plenty of room in the closet for both clothes (I hope so, anyway -- they have more clothes than I do!), and they can share a dresser since I hang most things up. The problem is... I'm having a hard time thinking about "taking" Lauren's room away from her. The fun part will be redecorating at least. :) But are they really ready to share a room? It just feels so forced and out of place... And it's so much change all at once for Lauren -- new baby, new room, new bed. I guess one at a time, since baby will be in our room for a few months after he's born anyway.

I just feel like I can't keep up with it all anymore. Trying to be involved with my moms group (of which I'm stepping down as organizer next month), trying to be the best mom, wife, and housekeeper... It just can't be done while maintaining my sanity! It also allows me no "me time", of which I desperately need! There's just so much to get done, and while I'm continually working on everything it seems nothing gets done! Instead, more things get added to my to-do list. I don't need things perfect, and I know I'm far from it, but I am a perfectionist. This is not good when you have two kids and two dogs!

Speaking of dogs... I did take Emmy to the vet a couple weeks ago. The vet said labs should live to at least ten years, but I can tell you that Emmy is not doing well at almost 8.5 years old. She just acts much older... She's got a few fatty lipomas that have gotten bigger, has had hip problems since she was probably around five years old, struggles to get up from sitting or laying, and now has a corneal abrasion from an eyelid that rolls in. We treated the eye with antibiotic gel and it's much better. The vet was very confused as to why her eyelid is rolling inwards, as dogs are always born with it rather than it developing. For now, we're treating Emmy with some thyroid medication (she's borderline hypo-thyroidism) to see if she can lose a little weight and help her hips, and also some aspirin. I'm doing it for a month to see if she improves. If not, we'll discuss having to put her down. I honestly love Emmy more than I could ever say, but I can't stand to see her this way. Plus, the amount of time and energy it takes to take care of an aging, large-breed dog is getting to be too much for me. And believe me, I feel guilty for thinking that! If you could only see her hobble and hear her whine!

Anyway, true ramblings of my mind. I guess I'm just tired of the day-to-day. Keeping up with housework, making every meal, etc. I just need a little break. And how will it work with three kids? I guess I just feel a little like a dog chasing its tail -- always moving, always working, yet never reaching the end goal...

Baby Appointment

Probably the most anxious day for me... I'd never be able to wait until I actually had the baby to find out! :P And isn't it just as much of a surprise halfway through as it is at the end? I think so anyway! So we went in for the ultrasound. The sonographer asked if we had any idea what it was, and I told her Carter's been telling everyone he's going to have a baby brother. She thought it was maybe because he already had a baby sister, but he actually told people Lauren was going to be a sister! She asked Carter if he had magical powers and he said yes! I actually thought boy on Saturday, girl yesterday, and boy today. For other people, I'm usually 100% sure... not so for me. If anyone wants to know what they're having, just ask Carter. IT'S A BOY! [He can also draw the date you'll have the baby out of a hat -- he won two baby pools last year! Maybe he does have magical powers... :)]

Everything looked great on the ultrasound. He's measuring 20 wks 2 days (I'm 19 wks 3 days today) and had a heartrate of 133 bpm. My quad screening also came up negative -- the chance of having Downs Syndrome is 1/10,000, so looks very positive for everything being normal. I've posted the three best ultrasound pics. He had his head turned, but we got a pretty good profile shot. He definitely wasn't shy about showing he was a boy though! :) Now it's on to discussing names...

Lauren's First Trip to the Dentist

Lauren went to the dentist for the first time today. I know, a lot of you are saying, "Already?!?" Yep... they actually recommend going at one year, or when they have their first teeth (if that's later). Since Lauren's teeth popped through pretty early, I'd rather be sure to have great dental care and monitoring. She now has 10 teeth! Her top cuspids (on either side of top four teeth) have popped through, and at least three of her molars are on the cusp! It doesn't look like her bottom cuspids are far behind either... :) She does have a hematoma by her top left molar, which is just some bleeding in the tooth sac under the gums. The dentist said it's nothing to worry about though. It just makes it look blue! He said everything looks great, and Lauren already likes brushing her teeth. A benefit of starting early! We have been brushing her teeth for some time. :)

Today

So today is the day... maybe. What if the baby doesn't let us see? Or we do decide not to find out? Regardless, please don't bombard me with phone calls! I promise to get around to everyone in time. I do have two kids that I need to get home afterwards, and get Lauren down for a nap. Be patient with me! :) There will be a post later today all about the appointment. We do discuss things other than the gender. ;)

Oh, and just in case the poll disappears, the tally as of right now is 8 boy, 9 girl, and 6 surprise. Pretty even!

The Difference

So, here is a picture of me now, at 19 weeks, and a picture of me the night before Lauren was born. See the difference? So why are people asking me if I'm about to pop?!?