Sometimes It's All Too Much...

So I consider myself a pretty sane person. One who maintains control most the time, mostly because I like things planned out and organized. But right now I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by everything. These times I'm just not really myself -- so out of control, start crying without reason, get freaked out by little things. I was so overjoyed yesterday to discover that we're having another boy. It's what I wanted! But he was a little unexpected -- and out of my plans. This was supposed to be happening next year after we tried selling the house again (and hopefully moved!). But, my plans aren't what matters. Everything is in God's hands... He has a plan, and only He knows it. That doesn't mean I have a hard time accepting that sometimes! Maybe if I was just a little filled in...

Anyway, at the moment I'm trying to figure out the bedroom situation. I know I've got time, it's just my incessant need to have things planned and organized. I think we have decided on putting both Lauren and Carter into Carter's current room. We'll have to get a loft or bunk beds, as his full size bed and her toddler bed just won't fit with much play room. There's plenty of room in the closet for both clothes (I hope so, anyway -- they have more clothes than I do!), and they can share a dresser since I hang most things up. The problem is... I'm having a hard time thinking about "taking" Lauren's room away from her. The fun part will be redecorating at least. :) But are they really ready to share a room? It just feels so forced and out of place... And it's so much change all at once for Lauren -- new baby, new room, new bed. I guess one at a time, since baby will be in our room for a few months after he's born anyway.

I just feel like I can't keep up with it all anymore. Trying to be involved with my moms group (of which I'm stepping down as organizer next month), trying to be the best mom, wife, and housekeeper... It just can't be done while maintaining my sanity! It also allows me no "me time", of which I desperately need! There's just so much to get done, and while I'm continually working on everything it seems nothing gets done! Instead, more things get added to my to-do list. I don't need things perfect, and I know I'm far from it, but I am a perfectionist. This is not good when you have two kids and two dogs!

Speaking of dogs... I did take Emmy to the vet a couple weeks ago. The vet said labs should live to at least ten years, but I can tell you that Emmy is not doing well at almost 8.5 years old. She just acts much older... She's got a few fatty lipomas that have gotten bigger, has had hip problems since she was probably around five years old, struggles to get up from sitting or laying, and now has a corneal abrasion from an eyelid that rolls in. We treated the eye with antibiotic gel and it's much better. The vet was very confused as to why her eyelid is rolling inwards, as dogs are always born with it rather than it developing. For now, we're treating Emmy with some thyroid medication (she's borderline hypo-thyroidism) to see if she can lose a little weight and help her hips, and also some aspirin. I'm doing it for a month to see if she improves. If not, we'll discuss having to put her down. I honestly love Emmy more than I could ever say, but I can't stand to see her this way. Plus, the amount of time and energy it takes to take care of an aging, large-breed dog is getting to be too much for me. And believe me, I feel guilty for thinking that! If you could only see her hobble and hear her whine!

Anyway, true ramblings of my mind. I guess I'm just tired of the day-to-day. Keeping up with housework, making every meal, etc. I just need a little break. And how will it work with three kids? I guess I just feel a little like a dog chasing its tail -- always moving, always working, yet never reaching the end goal...

Our Saturday Adventure

We headed up to Fort Harrison State Park in Indianapolis to have a little family reception for Matt's second cousin. He's getting married in September in Korea. She was so nice, and it was nice visiting with his family. Lauren and Ethan got to play together, and Carter always loves being around family. We were back in a building, so didn't explore much of the park. It was fine with me, as sitting outside in the shade and breeze felt great! Matt did go down to fish with a couple of guys though. They came back much earlier than expected, only because Matt's hand was bitten pretty badly by a german shepherd! It was on a (loose) chain, and suddenly just came at Matt. He put his hand out for a little protection, not thinking the dog would actually bite him. It clamped down and he's got a pretty deep hole in the palm of his hand, another gash in his palm, and bite marks on either side of his middle finger. The owner never apologized, or even pulled back on the chain when the dog started to charge! Even though I know how docile Orion is, he's a big dog and can scare the bejeezus out of anyone. So when I have him for a walk and someone is going to pass us, I always tighten up my grip and the leash so he can't move far from me. Some dog owners are just ridiculous! Anyway, Matt didn't think to get the owner's name and number (since she's liable for any damage) or even check to see if his immunizations are up to date. His hand was sore last night but didn't look too bad. I might make him go to Prompt Care today just to be safe. You never know...